here’s the thing

… about my line of work: when it’s bad, it can be soul-crushing; but when it’s good, it can be transcendent. this fact — as well as the fact that it can oscillate between soul-crushing and transcendent on an hourly basis — has been a near-constant source of struggle for me for as long as i’ve been in the field.

oddly enough, it feels somewhat like a drug addiction: there are long periods of time when i detest the work and promise myself that i’ll quit as soon as i can, but then there are moments, usually unplanned and unpredictable, of utter perfection. i wonder if other people in my field feel this way — like the highs are what keep them going, or, less optimistically, if they stay in it to chase the high. and if not — do they just have a higher transcendent-to-soul-crushing ratio than i do? i wonder.

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2 thoughts on “here’s the thing

  1. i have similar experiences on staff. it's not as hour-to-hour, but the emotions are the same day-to-day. (soul crushing is an excellent way to describe it..) i found that i could process everything a lot better over the past few years… it's like the difference of being a 1st year teacher and a 4th year teacher. -jopan

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