death, in my generation

praise’s passing has made me think quite a bit about death.

on monday and the days following, i felt like i was in a bit of a haze — nothing looked right, nothing felt right. it was as though my entire worldview had been knocked askew. because in addition to the loss of a beautiful person, there was the simple, shocking reality of death. death. death is sobering because it reminds us that we’re going to die. our loved ones are going to die. it knocks asunder the feelings of invincibility that we unwittingly carry around, we 21st-century americans with our modern technologies and our lack of primal fears. death brings us back to a much more primitive reality, and all of the other junk in life is revealed to be… well, just that.

i think praise’s passing was particularly profound for me because she is the first of my friends to die. ever. mercifully, all of my friends from high school and college are still alive, as are all of my other friends from graduate school. i’ve lost grandparents and i’ve known good friends of my parents who have died, but praise is the first of my peers to pass. it feels as though a boundary has been pierced. death has now entered my generation, the realm of feasibility for myself and my friends.

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